Even in darkness, women choose to illuminate.
As a young girl, I remember a teacher telling me, “Girls are to be seen and admired, not heard,” in the library. That statement is a stark reminder of the deeply ingrained silencing of women’s voices and has stayed with me.
While often associated with desirable qualities like compassion and empathy, women frequently experience underlying pain and shame due to societal expectations. We are socialized to prioritize pleasing others and conform to idealized images, rarely encouraged to express our true selves.
This internalized belief and societal demand that we perfect every role we play in life leads us to suppress our emotions, which subconsciously often leads to anger or rage. We are usually faced with opposition and resistance in every phase.
Many of us feel trapped in the never-ending cycle of expectations and control, yet we still strive to live an authentic life free from all the forced constraints. We grow up feeling silently repressed and constantly seeking validation.
We are conditioned to believe that our worth depends on external approval and acceptance of how we look and what we do. In the process, I am among the many women who lost sight of their identity.
Historically, women’s voices have been silenced, met with criticism, and dismissed. This silence, fueled by the fear of ostracization and harm, fosters self-doubt and deep-seated anger. The unrealistic standards imposed on women have led to devastating consequences.
As a child, I was labeled as having a ‘bad temper,’ an incredibly undesirable trait for women. I didn’t understand how to process these accusations at the time. My anger manifested in emotional and explosive outbursts that I didn’t even understand then.
Now I know that it was because I was internalizing the expectations that women should suppress their emotions, another social construct because we are taught to hold so much in.
I was constantly told to manage my anger, yet no one ever asked about the root of my frustration. In my forties, I realized I had spent my entire life suppressing many emotions, living under the constant threat of scrutiny and judgment.
Rage is repeatedly a result of suppressed negative emotions, such as hurt, sadness, and disappointment. People usually conceal vulnerabilities, fearing being perceived as weak or judged harshly. However, beneath the anger lies deep sorrow and loneliness.
As women, we live in a world filled with constant threats of harm and exclusion. Expressing emotions often gets labeled as being “too dramatic.”
This widespread fear affects every choice we make. Many of us carry the weight of these experiences, unable to heal from the trauma fully. On most occasions, we don’t even recognize the depth of the emotional wounds we have, and this internalized pain slowly erodes us from within.
Growing up in Nepal, I was drawn to the stories of Goddess Kali. As the fierce manifestation of the divine feminine, Kali embodies the destructive power necessary for transformation and rebirth.
Kali is often seen as a symbol of destruction, but few know she also represents creation because she symbolizes the cycle of life and death. Kali’s acceptance of darkness is a powerful reminder that we cannot truly have the light without acknowledging the shadows.
We all carry the weight of a history that has silenced and oppressed women. This darkness exists within us, whether we acknowledge it or not. By accepting these shadows—anger, rage, and pain—we can begin to see that within us is a radiant, kind, compassionate, and loving individual. Acknowledging the darkness is not just about living in it, but also about accepting its presence and paving the way for a brighter future.
Those who liberate themselves and find healthy ways to express their anger can inspire others on their journeys of healing and hope. The journey of self-discovery is long, demanding that we unlearn societal programming that prioritizes appearances and burdens us with shame and guilt. We’ve been conditioned to believe our worth lies in serving others, a manipulation disguised as privilege.
We deserve joy, and the simple pleasures life has to offer. When we align with our true selves, genuine kindness arises from within, not from obligation.
This journey of self-healing will inevitably include moments of solitude. We have to cultivate inner strength to withstand the ingrained resistance – the words spoken against us and the actions taken to obstruct our progress.
Ultimately, the true purpose of our existence lies in finding strength within ourselves. Breaking free from the grip of societal stereotypes requires immense courage. This is where spirituality, with or without religion, can play a profound role. Whether your faith lies in a divine being, a higher power, or simply a belief in something greater than ourselves, an openness to the power of the unseen is essential. It allows us to connect with a deeper sense of purpose and find comfort in the journey.
When I could recognize the root of my anger and how I played a role in becoming the person I was, I had to set my ego aside and take responsibility for myself. It wasn’t easy, but to live an authentic life, I had to risk being alone and excluded —and I was left alone and excluded. However, I always had faith.
I had to do the work and found solace in living holistically. I had to accept that I had many flaws that needed to change. I started focusing on myself rather than finding faults in others. It is a life-long work.
We all know women who have fought for themselves and found their inner light. They radiate. You can feel her energy and frequency when she walks into a room or when she comes into close proximity. Many assume she has had a wonderful life of convenience, but the truth is that she didn’t have it easy, but she fought for herself.
She had to choose to let go of the life she was programmed to live so she could live the life she was meant to live, where she could be her highest, unapologetic self. I aspire to be that woman.
Some may try to diminish the beauty and power within women, fearing the force unleashed when we truly embrace our inner magic. Yet, a shift is happening. I see a world evolving where younger generations are breaking free from the shackles of the past.
Men are increasingly recognizing women as equals, standing beside us in this fight for a more unbiased future—a future where there is harmony, not because of scarcity, but because we understand that that is the way to be.